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> Spunky and her kin jokes!, Our favorite Hillbilly Funnies
BeastFan04
post Oct 31 2004, 08:41 AM
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ROFL!!! OMG, this is TOO funny!


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kraan
post Oct 31 2004, 09:53 PM
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top 10 things you will NEVER hear a redneck say


10 - I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy
9 - No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe
8 - Duct tape won't fix that
7 - You can't feed that to the dog
6 - The tires on that truck are too big
5 - Wrasslin's fake
4 - Oh I just couldn't. Heck, she's not even sixteen
3 - Who's Richard Petty ?
2 - Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that I haven't seen yet

and the number 1 thing that you will NEVER hear a redneck say is

I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex


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Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!

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TheVelvetFoxx
post Nov 1 2004, 08:01 AM
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ROTFL!!!!!!! banana-shake.gif Good one!!!!


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kraan
post Nov 4 2004, 03:48 PM
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letter to home


Dear Ma and Pa

I's well. Hope y'all are too. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for ole man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of these here places are filled. I was restless at first because you gots to stay in bed till nearly 5:30 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men gots to shave but it ain't so bad, as they get warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruits, juices, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, black eyed peas, grits, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell brother Walt and brother Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches", which the Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. I reckon he ought ta know, as it is not my place to tell him any different.

A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sergeant is like the schoolteach, but he nags something awful. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown alot. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill brother Walt and brother Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting !!!

I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like them Higgett boys back home. All you gots to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own bullets. They come in lil boxes you just plug into the rifle . . . amazin'

Be sure to tell brother Walt and brother Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get into this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Gail


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Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!

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Leonardofury
post Nov 5 2004, 05:39 AM
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^ LOL!!


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Spunknit
post Dec 18 2004, 12:00 AM
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May as well add to the fray!

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the "Star-spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.


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Spunk - Herding Llamas Since 2004!
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Neeltje
post Dec 18 2004, 12:07 AM
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rolling on the floor.gif
Boy, am I glad not to live in Redneck area


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TheVelvetFoxx
post Dec 18 2004, 09:52 PM
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woot_jump.gif rolling on the floor.gif


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kraan
post Dec 24 2004, 09:31 PM
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LMAO ... I'm from Ohio (pronounced : uh-high-a) and that stuff was just fantastic

loved the comment about Cedar Point and deer season (cause it's true ?)

by the way - I do have a recipe for 'buckeyes' make them every year for Christmas bananarock.gif

speaking of Christmas, I just compiled my top ten list for Christmas ...
so here is my present to ya'll ... enjoy


top ten reasons ... you just might be a red-neck (Christmas Version)

10 You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
9 Your Christmas tree is still up in March.
8 Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
7 You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment gifts.
6 Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
5 The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
4 Red Man sends you a Christmas card.
3 Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
2 Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
and the number 1 reason you just might be a red-neck is ... you go Christmas shopping for your momma, sister and girlfriend ... and you only need to buy one gift.


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Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!

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kraan
post Dec 24 2004, 09:44 PM
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Bubba Claus

Being as I'm from Uh-high-a (right dab smack in the middle of union territory) this little tid-bit was found in our local rag - a new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I (Santa) will no longer be able to serve the southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the Earth, my contract has been renegotiated by the North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin (twice removed), Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads: 'These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.'

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little chew though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus's sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear 'On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ...' when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, 'On Earnhardt, on Gordon, on Stewart, and Labonte, on Johnson, on Martin, on Newman and Harvick.'

5. ''Ho, ho, ho!'' has been replaced by ''Yee Haw!'' And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, ''I her'd dat!''

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus's sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words ''Back Off!'' The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as 'Miracle on 34th Street' and 'It's a Wonderful Life' will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see 'Boss Hogg Saves Christmas' and 'Smokey and the Bandit IV' featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like 'Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer' and Bing Crosby's 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town.' This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be: Mark Chesnutt's 'Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox,' Cledus T. Judd's 'All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack,' and Hank Williams Jr.'s 'If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, Then Go Sit In the Snow and Shovel It.'

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
North American Fairies and Elves Local 209


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Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!

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