Spunky and her kin jokes!, Our favorite Hillbilly Funnies Options

[TheVelvetFoxx]

ROTFL!!!! Good one. BTW - love your sig! I'm making it my new mantra! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/pumpkin.gif)

[kraan]

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum 8 inches from the trunk.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64 Pontiac GTO?

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor s 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a holler with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

[kraan]

thanks Velvet for the kind words, glad to see that you are enjoying the show ...

a friend of mine just sent me that quip in an e-mail this morning, I just HAD to use it

[TheVelvetFoxx]

I printed it. - It's now stick on my monitor!!! Keep the redneck stuff comin'! Living in Charleston, SC, I know all about rednecks! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/pickledance.gif) Last week I saw a guy ridin' around town with a landscape timber for a bumper! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/banana-cowboy.gif)

[kraan]

VelvetFoxx said 'REDNECK'

hehehe ... just waiting for someone to say the magic word ...

y'all ever wondered what would it be like if Star Wars was invaded by the South ???

here is my top ten reasons y'all mite be a Redneck Jedi ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 . . . you call Hank Williams Jr. "master"

9 . . . you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy

8 . . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored

7 . . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a landspeeder battery

6 . . . you feel that duct tape is like the FORCE: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

5 . . . your plan to destroy the Death Star includes two M-80s and a half gallon of granny's moon shine

4 . . . Chewbacca is offended by your B.O.

3 . . . you can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken

2 . . . you've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon

1 . . . you hear Darth Vader say . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your brother . . . and your uncle!"


till we meet again . . . "May the FORCE be with y'all"

[TheVelvetFoxx]

Most excellent!!!!!! I'll be chuckling about this one all day. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/pumpkin.gif)

[uru94rct]

Omgrofl. Lemme get out my e-mail client.

[kraan]

time for another ...

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar.
It was then that an angry Bubba stood up, rolled up his sleeves and yelled
"I resent that !"

The ventriloquist started to apologize.

Bubba looked at him and said
"You shut up and stay outta this, I'm talking to that guy on your lap!!!"

[TheVelvetFoxx]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolling on the floor.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolling on the floor.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolling on the floor.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolling on the floor.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolling on the floor.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/woot_jump.gif)

[Fossil]

Have ya'll noticed that the tawkin' he-ads on the TV been spendin' alota time lately tawkin' 'bout shiite?"

[Wagi]

"Skeeter" accidentally overturned a wagonload of corn on the road. A nearby farmer saw the accident and went over to have a look and found the him trying to right the tipped wagon.

"Hey Skeeter," the farmer said., "Forget your troubles for a spell and come have dinner with us. I'll help you with that wagon after we eat."

"That's mighty nice of ya'll, but Pa won't like that," Skeeter replied.

"Aw, come on son. Take a break," the farmer insisted.

"Well, alrighty then, " Skeeter finally agreed. "But Pa won't be liken' it none."

After a hearty meal, Skeeter thanked the farmer. "I feel's me a whole lot's better now, but I jus' knows that Pa gonna be upset 'n all."

"Nonsense," the farmer said. "Where is your pa anyway?"

"Under the wagon."